sweet peas climbing up the trellis & snaps in the back next to them
I don't know about you but I never feel like I have enough time - and I say it a lot "I don't have time for that". And sometimes it's something that I would love to do or even something I should do. That's why I so value gardening - because I have to make time for it. Otherwise everything will die. Literally. I started sweet pea and snapdragon seeds in my basement in February - if you don't think I'm tending them like I gave birth to them then we just haven't met yet!
Why I can't seem to give myself that attention or time (yet!) I'm not quite clear on, but it needs to change. I'm talking with a coach every couple of weeks and one of my assignments a month ago was to book something where someone takes care of me - a massage, a pedicure - something in that realm. The first words out of my mouth were "I don't have time" as the massive list of things I need to do unspooled in my head. Julia, my coach, didn't care. "Book it" she said. Our next meeting came and I hadn't booked it. Our next meeting it tonight and have I booked it? No.
But is my dog, Jasper, walked every day? Yes. Are my seedlings swimming in a delicious compost/fancy soil mixture? Yes. Are my roses fertilized with a fish and seaweed mix that does wonders for them? Yes - and I don't even like roses! (they're beautiful - I'm with you - but too many thorns). Are we well stocked as a household on toilet paper, paper towels and dish soap (and cheese)? Yes! Yes we are.
Regardless I constantly feel like I'm failing - at being a good business owner, a good wife, a good daughter, a good sister - and honestly being good to myself doesn't even make my radar. The "shoulds" flood my head all the time.
The Magnolia Journal printed this poem in an issue last spring and I liked it so much I taped it to the window in my office. But I haven't done a great job of heeding the message. So I'm writing it out for you and for me - mostly for me 😂 - because all of this "not valuing" myself, not feeling worthy of a break, not feeling deserving of some rest - it sucks. And I want to do better.
Here's the poem* "What if Time is On My Side":
So, I'm going to go and book that self-care situation right now so I don't disappoint Julia and, one day soon, hopefully!, I'll book it because it's a kind thing to do for myself and that will be reason enough.
*author uncredited as far as I know - if you know who wrote it please shoot me an email and I'll add their name!