Am I Too Heavy to Run a Beauty Company?

Most makeup and skincare companies have models or celebrities who speak in low tones about the latest product or glide across the camera effortlessly in a very tiny body.  You got me instead.

Our online masterclass shoot where I did my hair :) and a FB Live in my bathroom where I at least washed it!

 I grab my phone when the moment feels inspired for Instagram Stories or FB Lives in our Green Beauty Gathering, whether I have makeup on or not, and when I’m doing a proper shoot I generally aim for a shirt that looks clean, give a half-hearted attempt to my hair and hit it. 

Nearly every time I second guess what I look like.  Which honestly sucks. 

I hear a family member’s voice in my head saying my arms are too big and I need to cover them (you'll notice a theme in the pictures from events above).  I hear another voice saying “you should always wear makeup” because the redness in my skin isn’t pretty and needs to be covered up. 

I hear another voice, mine this time, saying I used to be so much thinner and I should be embarrassed at the way that I look on camera.  That people won’t want to use my products or listen to my voice because it doesn’t come packaged the way that beauty lines package such things.  It isn’t airbrushed, perfected, styled or coiffed, it’s just me in my office or in my bathroom late at night and that’s not good enough because I used to be thinner.

I recently attended Rise with Rachel Hollis and Amy Porterfield was on the schedule.  I had heard her speak before and I think she’s awesome – major boss lady, running her own company, nailing it and, coincidentally, looking amazing while doing so.  She came out and talked for an hour about how paralyzing her judgement over her weight can be.  I was shocked.  I had no idea she was struggling with this.  She talked about how when she’s speaking in front of a group she overcompensates with having perfect hair, perfect makeup and perfect clothes to “make up” for the fact that she’s not skinny.  And I totally got it.  She talked about how she won’t take pictures that show her legs.  And I got that too.  Then she said something along the lines of “I wonder how great I could be if I wasn’t focused on my weight.”  That hit me hard because it was as if she took the words out of my mouth.  It made me so sad to think about how much time in my life I've spent lamenting that my body wasn't the right size.  

It is my 42nd birthday as I write this and I've decided that I’m done.  I'm done apologizing for what I look like and thinking it makes me less than.  I'm done apologizing for not wearing full makeup everywhere I go.  And I'm done limiting what I can give because I don't think it fits the picture of what I should look like.  It’s going to be a challenge but I’m finished with spending energy on it and continuing to carry it around with me.  I want to make kind choices for my body and I will do better with that but I also want to express gratitude for my body and how it literally supports me every day. 

My first no makeup post on IG - it was a big deal for me to share the first one.

This community gives me the opportunity to show up again and again, without apology, as the message that I want to share – of empowerment, education and acceptance – is more important than the insecurity I may have felt in a particular moment.  And without you, I wouldn’t have that purpose.  And if you know anything about me you know that purpose was literally what I prayed for when the seed for Erin’s Faces was planted in my heart.  So I promise to keep talking, literally never in low tones, with very little gliding, in a fluctuating body size to do my best for you...with, or without foundation on. 

A year after writing I recorded a podcast episode where I read this blog post and gave thoughts about it.  You can listen to it HERE.


  • Jenn B

    Thank you for this. The beauty industry sells a fantasy that in my opinion, contributes to a lot of the low self esteem and body image issues that many girls and women have because of the pressure we feel to live up to the fantasy. It can be so destructive and those companies are a dime a dozen. I love your products, feel good about using them and also appreciate that you as a business owner and the face of your company are a real woman and a beautiful woman despite not being the kind that glides or wears a size 2. You set a great example that makeup and skin products can be used to enhance our already natural beauty so that we can go out in the world feeling good with confidence rather than layers of camouflage. Keep it up!

  • Sara

    I LOVE your products and I feel good using them, and recommending them/giving them as gifts to everyone…and that is because you choose not to hide who you are from us. We trust the product, because we trust YOU. xoxo

  • Lindsay Hayward

    Short answer: No.

    Long answer: Oh heck, no.

    Even longer answer: We have known each other for the last twenty years. I have always been blown away by your focus, drive, sheer talent, and ability. I’ve found you to be a beautiful person inside as well as out. Never once in all this time have I considered your weight as a determining factor to any of those things.

    I know how you feel however. So many of us have that inner voice that whispers “If only”. If only I was thinner, younger, prettier. It is tempting to give up to self-doubt or hatred. When personal tiredness leading to immobility.

    I applaud you resolute and strength in fighting back against those common inner demons. You are amazing- not because of some random number. Whether it be the one blinking red on a bathroom scale, degree of supposed “hotness” or candles on a cake.

    You should run a beauty company because you can. And you do.


  • Shan

    Thanks for having the courage to come out about your insecurities. As women in this day we have way too much access to people telling us how we should look. But God made us all different and He judges our hearts. It’s what’s on the inside that matters, just continue to let that shine! Your company and products are amazing and have changed my life.

  • Nicole

    Wow! Thank you for sharing! This resonates with my heart so much. May we all be free of the lies about our weight that hold us back! I’m so inspired by your vulnerability to share your heart!

    Thank you for stepping out and walking in confidence to live out what the Lord has for you!

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