Your Wings Are Coming

monarch butterfly on red zinnia

One of my favorite things about flowers is they bring butterflies.  I don't really know anyone who doesn't think butterflies are cool - folks of all ages tend to freeze when a monarch flits by them as we hope that if we're still enough we'll get to watch them as they suck up nectar from pollinators.

And then I read this on Instagram last week:

text block about butterflies turning to goo in the pupa before the turn into butterflies

First of all, what??!  How have I never heard this?  Second of all, is it true?  

Long story short, I don't know and YES!  If you want a deep dive click HERE.  It's a little gory but stick with me.  Caterpillars basically digest themselves (ick) - nearly every single part - some organs move around and change sizes to accommodate this new body but basically everything else is the aforementioned goo before the transition happens.  It's a literal metamorphosis.  

yellow butterfly on butterfly bush

this might be a moth but who cares? it's so beautiful!

After reading multiple articles on this (because I wanted to know EVERYTHING) I felt a huge sense of release....grace....liberation.  That you can start in one place, munching on leaves and sticking to about 4 square feet, and a few weeks later you're FLYING (flying!) and are seeing sights you never saw before with gorgeous wings.  If you're a butterfly anyhow.  But I love the comparison for when I'm feeling stuck or messy or confused with what's happening.  Wings are coming.  The answer is coming.  

butterfly in cocoon

AND the caterpillar had everything it needed the entire time.  They have these things called imaginal discs and one is for wings, one is for eyes, legs, etc, and they're dormant the whole time they're a caterpillar.  But they're in there.  Waiting for the right moment to go to work and create something entirely new and different.  It's so exciting to me!!  They didn't need to talk to their dad or consult an expert, they just needed to do what they knew how to do.  They came equipped.  They came ready.

I've historically had a hard time trusting myself.  I've needed to gather the opinions of others before making a decision and I put their opinion up as higher than mine every time.  Fortunately the cast of characters I've turned to has generally had my best interests at heart so I haven't allowed myself to be led down (very many) lousy paths.  But to truly trust yourself, knowing that the decision you might make could take you down a totally different path than the one you're on and you do it anyhow??  Because you know in your soul it's right?  Even if no one else does?  

It's funny because when I chose theatre as a major it didn't make sense to most of my family.  When I moved to NYC to pursue it, it was the same story.  And then when I went to start a beauty company with literally no money and no sense of running a business, that made even less sense to folks.  But they all made sense to me.  And my imaginal discs that held incredibly underdeveloped business acumen got to work.  And I learned.  And I messed up a TON.  But I kept going.

butterfly flying

I don't feel like I've shifted from a caterpillar to a butterfly but I do feel like I'm in my cocoon, creating all these new parts and soon I'll have some wings (they will have shimmer, please be assured).  And then I'll get to fly - to FLY - oh boy, I can't wait!


  • Erin's Faces

    Esmerelda – thank you so much!

    Tracie – yes to sparkly wings ;) – thanks for sharing the other post!

    Nancy – thank you so much xoxo

    David – I’m so glad it was helpful – sending you so much love and support as you go on this journey. Knowing that you have everything you need right now to do it – thank you so much for reaching out xoxo

  • David Schrader

    What a beautiful thought. There are so many versions of transformation analogies out there, but this is by far one that has resonated with me. As I go down the road of transition being a male to female transgender person, I will keep this thought with me. Thank you for sharing this.

  • Nancy Stober

    What a great and inspirational post. Enjoy reading your posts. Keep flying…

  • Tracie

    Don’t be silly, of course you have your sparkly wings . . . Maybe just translucent at this point! Adding, not highjacking, a counselor favorite for all to keep in mind while “in the goo”. True fact as well. Read here (random pick as story is old) stronger

  • Esmeralda Y

    Lovely message!

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