Where Decades-Long Acne Led Me

"What's that on your face?" one of the younger campers asked as they pointed up at my cheek.  I felt my skin flush even more pink and said "it's a breakout".  Which launched a whole discussion about what a breakout was, why did I have them, what was wrong with me, and what was I going to do about it?  Ah, to be brought to heel by a 3rd grader.  I was a camp counselor, a junior in high school, and my face was marked with red dots, some small, some very angry, but all very visible.  

I flashed back to a board game called Girl Talk where if something bad happened you had to pull a small red circle off the "Zit Sticker" sheet and wear it for the duration of the game as it was the ultimate punishment, bringing shame to you and to your family.  And honestly, that's how having acne felt - shameful.  Like I was doing something wrong, like I was unclean.  Meanwhile, the only time my mom ever pulled me out of school was to go to a dermatologist who put me on a 4 step program (which included nightly icing) because this was a big deal and we needed to get on top of it.  I was washing and treating my face morning and night like it was my job.  Little changed. 

My acne followed me to college and then to NYC after I graduated.  I would come to work at the Urban Decay counter at Macy's in Herald Square, unable to wear foundation to cover up as it broke me out further, and when I'd see a co-worker most wouldn't be able to maintain eye contact.  I developed a habit of saying a cheery hello and then promptly looking down at the floor for the next 5 seconds or so as that gave folks time to take my face in and then they would be able to look me in the eye for the rest of our conversation.  It didn't feel good but it felt a LOT better than seeing their eyes wide at today's breakout.  Nothing helped consistently.  All to say - I GET IT.

I get asked a lot where I get ideas for products and how they come to me and I especially get asked it about the funny little green oil we came out with that smells like grass to some folks and curry to others.  It's our Tamanu Oil and everything I shared above, and more, is how I came to find it.  I was in my late 30's and, for the first time, started experiencing dry skin in the winter and the Clarifying Serum wasn't cutting it alone anymore.  But EVERYTHING BROKE ME OUT.  Like everything.  Our moisturizers, everyone else's moisturizers - you name i,  I tried it.  More blemishes.  And instantly I was back in high school, covered in acne, feeling like I wanted to sink into the floor.  Until I found Tamanu Oil as a concept and then found our distributor in particular as I learned that they're not all created equal.  It quickly shot up to be our #1 product for most months and people waxed poetic about it as had I.  But some folks don't want that much hydration, others didn't love the grassy smell, so I got to tinkering.

We sent out a batch of our first two water-based moisturizers that contained tamanu oil to a group of client guinea pigs about 3 years ago - basically both were a flop.  So I found a new chemist and thought we'd have a product to share with you last fall/winter.  Except we didn't.  Because the texture would be a little off or an oil would separate and we'd have to start over again.  So we kept tinkering and perfecting it until, after many iterations,  the final sample came and the texture was perfect, it smelled dreamy, and nothing was separating.  But the final test was using it - would it break me out?  Would it break out client tester bunnies out?  Would it smell good to them?  Feel good??  

As we've discussed I know what it is to need a product but not be able to find something that doesn't make your skin worse - this needed to work.  AND IT DID.  No breakouts!  And the hydration level was perfect - lightweight, not shiny, instead leaning towards a more matte finish, and the smell - delish!  Blue Tansy Oil has a sweet, fruity, herbaceous with a hit of camphor and, bonus!, it's a BHA (beta hydroxy acid) which aids in "ungluing" dead skin cells. 

I went a little nuts on the ingredient list - there's Salicylic Acid, and, of course, our Organic Tamanu Oil, plus Niacinamide for pore clearing and smoother texture, and a special Lemon Extract makes it feel like a cool breeze on your skin.  All of this is wrapped up in Organic Aloe Juice as the base so you're getting a feather weight moisturizer that packs a punch.  And so our Tamanu Sheer Moisture was born.

I wish I could go back and pull my younger self aside when she was feeling ugly and less than because of her skin, curl her into my arms, wipe her tears away and say "we're going to make something, you and I, and it's going to help people like us.  It's going to make things better." When I tell you I have such a soft spot for this skin challenge, it's the truth, and I hope that you love this little moisturizer as much as I do if this is your skin or someone in your life's skin.  We just launched it and I hope you love it!